http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_happiness_can_hurt_you

A friend said something the other day that resonated with me deeply. When I asked her how she was doing, she responded with a sigh: “I’m OK. But ‘OK’ is the new ‘good,’ you know?”

I fear she is right; we have indeed begun to see our lives as just “OK” — and more to the point, we are OK with that. Shouldn’t we be reaching for “great,” settling for “good” and reserving “OK” for those days when the doctor says she saw something suspicious on the mammogram?

But I do get where my friend is coming from. Having an OK life has become a pervasive condition among mid-lifers. Perhaps it’s not so surprising that the highest lifetime risk of depression was found among baby boomers aged 45 to 64 – a shift, researchers say, from previous studies that put younger adults most at-risk. Are we, as a generation, collectively depressed? Is midlife depression the new norm?

continue reading:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ann-brenoff/midlife-crisis-depression-is-ok-the-new-good_b_1470958.html?ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy%20Living

Today one of my favorite canine friends & co-workers, Sydney, lost her lengthy battle with canine cancer. Each of us is affected by cancer, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes it is a loved one, family member, or friend who has been diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes it is a musician/producer/director whose work we admired or a pet whom we’ve loved.

The National Cancer Institute estimates that in 2012 there will be 1500 deaths per day as a result of cancer. Cancer has become so prevalent in our culture that the New York Times has a dedicated blogger, Suleika Jaouad, who posts weekly about her battle with leukemia. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/tag/suleika-jaouad/

Recently, in addition to seeing clients in my private psychotherapy practice, I began offering counseling services through the Cancer Support Community, an international non-profit organization that is dedicated to providing support, education, and hope to people affected by cancer – http://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/ . As a result, I am faced with issues related to cancer on a daily basis. Initially, I was concerned about the impact of counseling cancer patients and how it would impact my own psyche and well-being. I was concerned that in addition to being satisfying work it might also feel depressing and overwhelming. What I’ve discovered is that my concern was unfounded. While the people I counsel have unimaginable stories of sorrow and struggle, they also have inspiring stories of courage, human kindness, generosity, and love. Rather than getting off the phone feeling drained or depleted I feel inspired, energized, and most importantly, grateful.

How is it that people struggling with cancer and faced with life and death decisions are the ones who remind me most of the power of presence, the gift of gratitude, and the comfort of compassion?

Obviously not everyone battling cancer is generous, kind, and open-hearted. Some of the people I counsel are hurt, angry and unhappy. Yet, somehow, regardless of whom I’m speaking to I am reminded that presence, gratitude, and compassion are choices and we can choose to practice them, or not.

Recently when I stopped by after work, as I often do, Chloe asked me if I was part of their family. Chloe’s Mom and I looked at each other, paused, and said, “Well, no, but sort of.” We explained that I am not family like their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents; but I am family because I love them, have known them since the day they were born, would do anything for them, and am lucky enough to visit with them all the time. In fact, since their relatives live in another part of the country, I spend more time with them than their “family.”

So Chloe & I decided that we are family.

After trying to explain ‘family’ to a child, I got curious as to the actual definition of family. And the nature of family is a topic that fascinates me, personally (as a member of a large blended family) and professionally (as a psychotherapist working with families.) So I looked up the definition. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, family is defined as: ‘the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family.’

According to the dictionary (& unfortunately many narrow-minded people), Chloe & I are not family. My partner with whom I live, but am not married & do not have children with, is not my family. My step-siblings with whom I have never lived, but have known since childhood & have shared numerous life & death experiences, are not my family.

Because of this limited (& limiting) definition some people use the term tribe, community, or ‘family of choice’ to define those people with whom they feel love & connection, share similar values, & with whom they spend their time. In my mind, this IS the meaning of family.

My family lives far away. I love and even truly enjoy them, but the reality is I don’t see them very often. I don’t even speak to them as often as I should. They aren’t here during the holiday season. They aren’t here when I have funny stories to share, need help at home, or am having a lousy day. But my partner is…my friends are…& Chloe is. These people are my family.

Mastering the Anxiety Equation: A Remedy for Fearful Times

All the more reason to seek treatment! For more information, read the article here:
Depression When Young Increases Risk for Cardiac Mortality

Surprising data, or not? Please share your thoughts.

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Article courtesy of Psychology Today

We’re interested in hearing your thoughts and feelings in response to this.

Anxiety is a normal part of the human experience, and it plays an important role in keeping us healthy and safe. Like most emotions, however, anxiety can grow to the point that it does more harm than good, and this is the point at which it becomes a disorder.

As modern humans, many of the challenges we face are the same as those faced at the dawn of our species 200,000 years ago. Each of us must still secure food, clothing, shelter, companionship and assure our physical safety. However, there are new challenges unique to modern life for which our drives and emotions may not be optimally calibrated.

The anonymity of life in modern cities, the financial uncertainty most of us face, the lack of a common code of ethics, the availability of drugs and alcohol and even commuting in traffic can all engage our thoughts and emotions in a way that may cause a type of chronic, baseline anxiety that wasn’t present for our ancestors.

What is often surprising to people is that we are essentially the same animals we were 200,000 years ago, with the same bodies, brains, drives and intelligence that evolution crafted for survival on the plains of Africa. As humans now living in the modern world, we are like cars that were built and tuned for off-road use that are now driving on a congested, urban highway.

If we understand an anxiety disorder to be a condition in which anxiety has become so excessive that it leads to distress or dysfunction, then it is very likely that there has always been a certain percentage of the population suffering from these conditions, even hundreds of thousands of years ago on the African plains. We all have a genetically predetermined degree of vulnerability to anxiety, and depending upon the amount of adversity or trauma we experience in our lives, we probably all have the ability to develop an anxiety disorder. Nonetheless, with brains that evolution crafted to function in an environment strikingly different from the one in which we now live, it may be that a greater percentage of us are experiencing higher levels of anxiety than ever before.

So how does one know if anxiety has become a disorder? Only a trained mental health care provider can diagnose an anxiety disorder, and there are several different anxiety disorders, each with their own characteristics, but below are five signs to look for.

Identifying an anxiety disorder as such is important because it is likely to get better with treatment and may not get better without it. An insidious characteristic of anxiety disorders is that they often lead the affected individual to avoid doing things that trigger their anxiety — including seeking help.

Like the child who is so afraid there is a monster in his closet that he never opens the door, adults with anxiety disorders may suffer needlessly for years because they avoid feared activities and places, thus depriving themselves of the opportunity to learn they are actually safe.

If you think you or a loved one may have an anxiety disorder, it is important to speak to your doctor about it or to schedule an appointment with a licensed mental health care provider. You can also visit www.anxiety.org or www.adaa.org for more information on anxiety disorders and treatment options.

Anxiety In Non-Dangerous Situations

When you do experience fear or anxiety, it is often intense or overwhelming.

Life threatening or traumatic experiences appropriately generate feelings of intense anxiety — it is our body’s signal to make getting out of the situation our highest priority.

Experiencing severe or overwhelming anxiety in non-dangerous situations, however, may be part of an anxiety disorder.

For example, you need to make an overnight business trip but are so anxious about leaving your family that you can’t focus on your work while you’re there.

Avoidance

You are avoiding situations, places, objects or activities, because of anxiety or fear. Avoidance is a natural response to anxiety and is beneficial when there is actual danger.

In anxiety disorders, however, avoidance very often becomes part of the problem and causes one’s life to become smaller and smaller as more and more things are avoided.

For example, you live in Manhattan and are unable to travel far beyond your home area because you are afraid of bridges and crossing waterways.

Inability To Work

 

Anxiety or fear is interfering with your ability to do the things you need to do at work, school or home.

When anxiety becomes so frequent or severe that it hurts rather than helps our performance, it changes from a normal, healthy emotion into a disorder.

For example, you are so worried about your children that you over-parent and neglect other homemaking responsibilities.

Poor Social Life

Anxiety or fear often interferes with your social life and relationships. Human beings are social animals and require the friendship, love and support of other people to be happy and healthy.

Some amount of anxiety when meeting new people or speaking in front of a large group is an almost universal experience.

However, when anxiety has grown to the point that it adversely impacts relationships or leads to isolation, it may be part of an anxiety disorder. For example, you are so fearful of what people will think of you, that you can’t attend professional conferences or cocktail parties.